As someone who typically says yes to people, I often get requests for help. I love helping people. It makes me feel good. You might say that my love language is gifts of service. Not only do I love helping people, I feel RESPONSIBLE to help people. I feel guilty saying no. Notice the word “guilty”. Some of the synonyms for this word are shamefaced, embarrassed, mortified, awkward, and uncomfortable. And these are appropriate expressions for how I feel when I say no to someone in need. Literally.
Nevertheless, I’ve had to say no numerous times this last week. Usually the requests I get are spaced a bit further apart. I really think that I’ve gotten so many requests lately because I am supposed to learn how to say no without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. So far, I haven’t done very well. Every time I say no I want to cry. I want to give in and tell everyone, “Of course I’ll help you!!”
But, there is a reason I’m still convinced that I HAVE TO SAY NO. I said yes to God. I’m going after a scary, daunting, HUGE dream. (Or if “dream” seems too ethereal for you, call it a business venture.) I know this is the right thing for me. This is what I was made for. It’s what I have spent my life working towards and believing for. But, saying yes to this thing that is so far greater than myself has required a bit more of me than I expected and just a few weeks ago, I felt as if I was spiritually, emotionally and physically breaking down. I felt like the possibility of my husband checking me into a mental facility might be days away, and he probably had the same thought. I felt as if I was drowning, buried alive, crushed by all of my responsibilities.
I don’t feel quite so pressed now, although my responsibilities didn’t lessen. I’m sure a lot of that is just because I’ve been leaning into God, Who isn’t daunted by my to-do list, and I’m surrounded by people who love me and support me. But in order for me to keep my head above the water I have to say no. I can’t help you. I cannot keep your kids. I cannot be a sponsor. I cannot host a party. I cannot keep your dog. I cannot do your finances. But know that I love you. And I WANT to say yes. I just can’t right now.
And for those of you in pursuit of something great that’s bigger than you: Get used to saying no from time to time, because when that thing finally comes around it will be necessary to say no to all the little things.
Confessions of a Water Walker 