Today I turn 34. Once upon a time I had my life planned out. I would graduate high school, move away to attend college, graduate into a lucrative career in the city until I decided to marry, settle down and have 8 children in my custom-built home in the country. I realized as a very young adult that this was a complete farce when reality kicked in. My parents moved away from me, I attended college for 2 years before deciding that I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life, realized I hated the city, and while I definitely wanted to marry, I definitely did not want 8 children, and since I hadn’t picked a lucrative career early on would certainly not be able to afford that custom-built home in the country.
Why do we dream such elaborate dreams? Why do we so desire to be somewhere further than we are? And on that note, do you notice like I do that our dreams are often sugarcoated? As if our lives were lived on pink fluffy clouds with platters full of chocolate fudge that doesn’t make you fat or sick to your stomach. No one ever “dreams” a nightmare. We might worry about it. We might prepare for it. But no one when asked what they would like out of life describes a nightmare.
And yet, how many in pursuit of a dream live a nightmare? I mean, when life happens and our dreams don’t, it’s easy to be discouraged. But it’s an entirely different story when we start living the dream and it’s not nearly as sugarcoated as we thought it would be, and it in fact feels much more akin to a nightmare.
I am pursuing a dream right now. And in my pursuit, I am realizing some things about dreams that I had never thought of before: Realized dreams cost and realized dreams are hard. Maybe there are some who realize a dream without feeling that they’ve sacrificed something, but I haven’t met them yet. I believe that God gives us dreams. I believe that God sometimes even “calls” us to pursue them. I also believe that God knows that there will come a time, or many times, when we will have to choose to continue pursuit or call off the dogs and return to family matters, like burying a loved one (see Matt. 8:19-22, Luke 9:57-60).
When dreaming, we may realize that reaching for such a goal will be hard and often painful, but rarely do we consider the toll it will take on those around us. This day and age the payment required for a dream attained is often a marriage, a family. No wonder so many celebrity marriages fail. The ones who have made it to the top have gotten there for the reasons of true grit: an I-will-make-it-if-I-die-first kind of will power to stay the course. This is the kind of determination that I imagine it takes to win a gold medal in a competitive sport. It’s not necessarily that these medalists and spotlight-connoisseurs don’t care about family or their spouse. But the burning flame of a dream consumes their hearts, and even if they were to give up the chase, I believe many would find the same fate because their heart would have nothing left for which to burn.
And when dreaming, rarely do we consider that there will be times when we want to give up. I’ve often described the childbirth process (I’ve experienced it drug-free 3 times) as feeling as if you’re dying over and over again. I think attaining a dream is much the same. There comes a time when you feel to bear one more moment, one more setback, would mean death, and then you survive only to find that very same feeling around the next bend. And over and over again you hear yourself asking, “Is this what I really wanted? Am I really ready for this? Can my family survive this?”
When we know the dream is of God, and we know beyond a doubt that it is our deepest desire, how do we push past these moments that can easily steal our propulsion and leave us stranded in the wasteland of unattained dreams? Which, by the way, is the place I feel is most dangerous for the family of a dreamer, and where most people abandon ship.
The truth: I’m not completely sure. But, here are a few things that have kept me going:
- Look at how far you’ve come. Throughout the Bible is the encouragement to remember the altars that were built. Look back at those times when a loved one (or it may only be God) has persuaded you that you’re on the right path. Remember the moments when it just seemed that everything was lining up exactly right and pointing you towards destiny.
- Celebrate EVERY victory! Whether it be no unread messages in your inbox, a finished project within the project, or the promotion you’ve been waiting years for – celebrate it with whoever will celebrate with you. And don’t be afraid to celebrate in as big a way as you can afford with as many as you can fit. And when you don’t have a victory to celebrate, celebrate past victories. (See #1.)
- Be thankful for what you have. And WHO you have in your life. I feel like this should be on every numbered list no matter the subject. Seriously, a thankful attitude will never, ever hurt you. I will tell you this: When you’re in the moment of questioning if this is what you wanted, being thankful will be the last thing you’ll want to do. But even begrudgingly, thankfulness leads to optimism and optimism propels you forward, or at the very least away from where you are.
Fast-forward a few years from my farce dream and I managed to conjure another: My husband and I would lead worship at a mega church with lots of spotlight, have 4 progeny children, and live in a big, beautiful home far enough from the city to smell the fresh air but close enough to shop.
Reality: I am a worship leader of a wonderful small church full of loving people, married to my amazing husband who, while he serves in my church and worships with me, holds a Bachelor of Science (and most of his own dreams) in Game Design, living in our blessed home far from the spotlight (but close to shopping!) with our incredibly smart and normal 3 children. And truthfully, I am living a dream; it just doesn’t look quite like I thought. And while I’m still dreaming, I plan to do so with a much more thankful heart.
Confessions of a Water Walker 