Wellspring of Life

By Staci Pace

There’s a belief that I have that when Jesus said, “I go to prepare a place for you,” (John 14) He wasn’t talking about the sweet by and by. I believe that He meant when His work defeating the grave was completed, we would immediately have access to the presence of God. And truly, I feel that when we worship, we have the opportunity to get into that place where everything else fades away: our problems with our spouse, our concerns for our children, our worry about what people think of us, even physical pain…Everything fades away. I also believe that we can reach this place wherever we are by a simple act of worship: centering our mind, will and emotions on Christ and allowing that redeemed spirit inside of us to take over. It has happened for me many times: in church with many saints, in my car with noisy children, lying in my bed before going to sleep.

But, truly, honestly, that’s not enough for me. Although it is bliss, and I can access that any time, I still want more! I realize that, as a believer, I have Christ with me at all times. Yet, I long to experience Him on a deeper level ALL the time. I want to feel Him close to me. Unfortunately, for now I have this ever-present, constant struggle with this part of me called my flesh.

My flesh is un-redeemed and consistently screaming for my attention, whether it is for the necessities of life or for those less important, but equally strong, temptations. My soul is not always on board with this desire of mine, either. My feelings constantly betray what I know to be true and, not unlike Paul, I can’t go very long without making a decision that is contrary to what I know is the way of Christ. One day, I will leave this flesh behind to spend eternity in the presence of my glorious King, completely unveiled, fully alive to the Spirit, but until that day…

Is Christ disappointed that I can’t remain in a constant state of awareness of His presence in my life? Is He disappointed that I do not always recognize the glory cloud of the Holy Spirit that is with me always? I would imagine that He is disappointed, much like any man would be with an aloof and distracted wife. (We are His bride after all.) However, I believe Jesus’ love is great enough. I believe that regardless of how seldom we actually take notice of His presence, He is pleased beyond measure when we do. And I believe that He enjoys it when we cry out to Him, “I want to be closer! I can’t get enough! I want more! I’m not satisfied!”

Now, it could be argued that we shouldn’t be dissatisfied or hungry for more because Jesus also said, “Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.” (John 4) So does this mean that we will never feel a craving for the presence? If, as believers, Christ dwells in us as promised, shouldn’t we always be satisfied and full, overflowing even? Jesus continued, “The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” So, surely we all have a constant flow of spiritually satisfying, live-giving water gushing out of us that everyone around us experiences any time we are around!

But, wait a moment. What about that grocery store clerk that I was incredibly short with for taking his sweet precious time bagging my fresh produce on top of my fresh loaf of sliced bread? What about the woman I completely cut off on the way to school this morning because I didn’t plan ahead for my lane change? What about my daughter who I yelled at yesterday for getting banana all over my bedspread? I really don’t think these people were experiencing the overflow of my wellspring of life. And I’m positive that I was not either.

Why not? I think the culprit is that pesky little part of me I mentioned earlier: my flesh. It gets in the way! As much as I wish that I could take each step of every day in the full knowledge and awareness of the Spirit of God inside me, I can’t. Despite my every effort, I fail. Something happens in the day to draw my attention away, and often it’s not even external. And so a thirst rises up within me to once again experience that living water. I have a longing to have my eyes opened to what is actually present, even when I don’t feel it. Maybe you have the same experience.

Thankfully, all we have to do is surrender our own desires, thoughts and ways, and we can once again get a taste of that sweet and fulfilling water. And, when we are completely surrendered to Christ, so can those around us. And even if it’s for a moment, that moment, I promise, will be well worth it. And then tomorrow, you’ll be hungry for it again!

 

This article was originally posted at RockSongChurch.org. 

Sugarcoated Dreams

Today I turn 34. Once upon a time I had my life planned out. I would graduate high school, move away to attend college, graduate into a lucrative career in the city until I decided to marry, settle down and have 8 children in my custom-built home in the country. I realized as a very young adult that this was a complete farce when reality kicked in. My parents moved away from me, I attended college for 2 years before deciding that I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life, realized I hated the city, and while I definitely wanted to marry, I definitely did not want 8 children, and since I hadn’t picked a lucrative career early on would certainly not be able to afford that custom-built home in the country.

Why do we dream such elaborate dreams? Why do we so desire to be somewhere further than we are? And on that note, do you notice like I do that our dreams are often sugarcoated? As if our lives were lived on pink fluffy clouds with platters full of chocolate fudge that doesn’t make you fat or sick to your stomach. No one ever “dreams” a nightmare. We might worry about it. We might prepare for it. But no one when asked what they would like out of life describes a nightmare.

And yet, how many in pursuit of a dream live a nightmare? I mean, when life happens and our dreams don’t, it’s easy to be discouraged. But it’s an entirely different story when we start living the dream and it’s not nearly as sugarcoated as we thought it would be, and it in fact feels much more akin to a nightmare.

I am pursuing a dream right now. And in my pursuit, I am realizing some things about dreams that I had never thought of before: Realized dreams cost and realized dreams are hard. Maybe there are some who realize a dream without feeling that they’ve sacrificed something, but I haven’t met them yet. I believe that God gives us dreams. I believe that God sometimes even “calls” us to pursue them. I also believe that God knows that there will come a time, or many times, when we will have to choose to continue pursuit or call off the dogs and return to family matters, like burying a loved one (see Matt. 8:19-22, Luke 9:57-60).

When dreaming, we may realize that reaching for such a goal will be hard and often painful, but rarely do we consider the toll it will take on those around us. This day and age the payment required for a dream attained is often a marriage, a family. No wonder so many celebrity marriages fail. The ones who have made it to the top have gotten there for the reasons of true grit: an I-will-make-it-if-I-die-first kind of will power to stay the course. This is the kind of determination that I imagine it takes to win a gold medal in a competitive sport. It’s not necessarily that these medalists and spotlight-connoisseurs don’t care about family or their spouse. But the burning flame of a dream consumes their hearts, and even if they were to give up the chase, I believe many would find the same fate because their heart would have nothing left for which to burn.

And when dreaming, rarely do we consider that there will be times when we want to give up. I’ve often described the childbirth process (I’ve experienced it drug-free 3 times) as feeling as if you’re dying over and over again. I think attaining a dream is much the same. There comes a time when you feel to bear one more moment, one more setback, would mean death, and then you survive only to find that very same feeling around the next bend. And over and over again you hear yourself asking, “Is this what I really wanted? Am I really ready for this? Can my family survive this?”

When we know the dream is of God, and we know beyond a doubt that it is our deepest desire, how do we push past these moments that can easily steal our propulsion and leave us stranded in the wasteland of unattained dreams? Which, by the way, is the place I feel is most dangerous for the family of a dreamer, and where most people abandon ship.

The truth: I’m not completely sure. But, here are a few things that have kept me going:

1. Look at how far you’ve come. Throughout the Bible is the encouragement to remember the altars that were built. Look back at those times when a loved one (or it may only be God) has persuaded you that you’re on the right path. Remember the moments when it just seemed that everything was lining up exactly right and pointing you towards destiny.
2. Celebrate EVERY victory! Whether it be no unread messages in your inbox, a finished project within the project, or the promotion you’ve been waiting years for – celebrate it with whoever will celebrate with you. And don’t be afraid to celebrate in as big a way as you can afford with as many as you can fit. And when you don’t have a victory to celebrate, celebrate past victories. (See #1.)
3. Be thankful for what you have. And WHO you have in your life. I feel like this should be on every numbered list no matter the subject. Seriously, a thankful attitude will never, ever hurt you. I will tell you this: When you’re in the moment of questioning if this is what you wanted, being thankful will be the last thing you’ll want to do. But even begrudgingly, thankfulness leads to optimism and optimism propels you forward, or at the very least away from where you are.

Fast-forward a few years from my farce dream and I managed to conjure another: My husband and I would lead worship at a mega church with lots of spotlight, have 4 progeny children, and live in a big, beautiful home far enough from the city to smell the fresh air but close enough to shop.

Reality: I am a worship leader of a wonderful small church full of loving people, married to my amazing husband who, while he serves in my church and worships with me, holds a Bachelor of Science (and most of his own dreams) in Game Design, living in our blessed home far from the spotlight (but close to shopping!) with our incredibly smart and normal 3 children. And truthfully, I am living a dream; it just doesn’t look quite like I thought. And while I’m still dreaming, I plan to do so with a much more thankful heart.

Success or Significance?

As the body of Christ, it could be argued that we are each successful. But, let’s be honest. Most of us don’t think that way about success. We think about how much money we have in our bank account, how big our house is, how many followers we have on Twitter, that promotion we’ve never gotten, etc. And that’s certainly the way most of the world thinks of success.

I think it’s high time we stopped striving for success and focus our attention and energy, instead, on being significant, and here are 4 reasons why.

 1.    Success is self-motivated. Significance is others-motivated.

On our ascent up the ladder, we are focused on our destination and on which rung to place our foot next. We pay little heed to the people we inadvertently push out of the way. It causes us to become self-absorbed, sometimes stingy, and often ungrateful. As we search for ways to be significant, we begin to see the needs of others. We look outside of ourselves and make room for the miraculous to arise, for God’s goodness to flow, and His kingdom advance. And in the process we begin to see the reasons to be joyful and grateful.

 2.    Success requires much time and effort. Significance requires only care.

It has been said, “There is no elevator to success. You must take the stairs.” You can spend a lifetime climbing those stairs only to never reach the top. But, significance is something that we can achieve even in our every day activities. (I’ll make some suggestions in my next post.) We simply have to keep our eyes open for the opportunity and step into it.

3.    Success once attained, promptly changes. Significance remains unchanged.

Once we arrive in that corner office with the great view, we realize that really we have wanted OUT of the office. The pursuit of success then becomes an exhausting never-ending venture that often still leads to discontent. However, when we find that we have made a significant contribution to someone’s life (even if it be only our own children), we discover fulfillment like never before. And once that significant mark is made, it cannot be undone no matter how many mistakes we may make in the future. Once we have loved, once we have shown grace, once we have provided a shoulder on which to cry, once we have taught someone to fish, it will not be forgotten.

4.    Success is temporal. Significance is eternal.

While our own success may seem lasting for our immediate family, it is not. It is dependent only on their own idea of success, and rest assured it is not identical to yours. You see, even if you pass a successful company on to Junior, he may view it simply as a means to accomplish his dream of being a successful pro-skater. For those of us who work hard enough for it, our own success on this earth will have no lasting impact, unless of course we use that success to be significant. When we change the lives of others and impact their heart with significant acts that lead to a corrected view of Father God, or a fresh perspective on how to live in His freedom, we have unleashed yet another potentially significant ambassador of the Kingdom. Success is about a harvest, while significance is about planting seeds, cultivating the ground, training and equipping harvesters, farmers, bakers, engineers, etc.

Consider the life of Jesus. The Jewish population rejected Him because most saw Him as unsuccessful. He did not succeed as the Messiah in their view. (We know better, though.) However, the people still flocked to hear Him speak, and clambered for His healing touch. Why? Because He was significant to all He came in contact with.

Are you as tired as I am of success or lack of it? Are you ready for more? Are you ready to live a life of significance?

 

 This blog was originally posted at RockSongChurch.org.

Does a Water Walker have to have a clean house???

I shared a room with my beautiful sister, Kelli, most of my young life. I have very vivid memories of my mother checking over our bedroom, which we claimed was clean, only to discover our stash under the bed, the closet on the next check, and on the final failed inspection – in our drawers. I don’t think we pulled all three of those in one day ever, ever again. One thing about sharing a room with someone: you learn a lot about your own bad habits (and of course the one’s of the opposite party, but I won’t include my sister’s bad habits in this blog for fear of my life ;)). The way Kelli puts it I always took good care of my things, just not in a very neat fashion. Somehow I did not get that “clean” gene. How did that pass me by??

What is a Water Walker?

In 2008, I participated in The Rock’s Annual Ladies’ Retreat “Walk on Water”. If you read the Bible, or if you have been to church consistently, or even if you’re just a knowledgeable person about Christianity, you are familiar with the story of Peter stepping out of the boat to walk to Jesus, who by chance was standing on top of the water in the middle of the sea. Assuming that you believe, as I do, that the account is truth, I think there are a few ways for one to respond to that story:

1. “I just can’t like that Peter guy. Who does he think he is anyway thinking he can just waltz out there above the water just like Jesus?”

2. “I wish I was like Peter. To have that kind of faith to get out of the boat!”

3. “I could have done it better. I would never have faltered; my eyes would never have left Christ’s.”

When this theme was first mentioned at our planning meetings, I fit into the third category, but that changed dramatically.

I relate to Peter in many ways. (I would have never believed I could deny Christ, and I probably would have been all for cutting the guys ear off in the garden, too.)  But, when reflecting on this particular story of Peter on the water, there were a few glitches in my mind’s reenactment, all of which were illuminated during that Ladies’ Retreat years ago, which probably led to me feeling as if I could have done it better.

First, when I thought about that story, I always saw the water as glassy smooth and perfectly clear. And maybe that’s the way it was, but there is nothing written in the text that would prompt that assumption. Second, I always thought of the boat being a little row boat. I’m not quite sure that was the case! Not a chance so many of those men fit on board while fishing and hauling in their loads of catch. Third, I always pictured Peter, and especially Jesus, as staying completely dry.

So, when our wonderful women leaders began to speak in the planning meetings that God was calling us out on the water, the picture I got in my head looked something like this: I am stylishly dressed in my fit-like-a-glove jeans and my beautiful, blousy top with my killer heels, sparkly jewelry, hair just right and of course makeup perfectly placed. (Don’t ask me why I was dressed like that, but that’s what I saw in my head.) Jesus calls me out of the boat and I gracefully step over the edge of the “dingy”, careful to not break my nail while balancing just right so as not to accidentally toss my phone (which I go nowhere without, and Jesus understands this) into the glassy, smooth water and take my first step in my black faux crocodile stilettos onto the wet terrain on which my Savior is waiting. I then proceed to delicately walk the 6 feet to my Lord, while turning around to scold with my eyes the fearful ones still in the boat. I reach Jesus totally unscathed, everything still in place, my phone unharmed, and Jesus applauds me and says, “Great job, Staci! What amazing faith you have!”

This is what I thought that God wanted of me when He truly did speak to my heart to come out onto the water. I can say, however, that my first thought when this theme was introduced at our planning meetings was, “Oh, no. Do we really want to go there?” And I honestly thought that, horribly and condescendingly, “not all of our women will be able to handle getting out of the boat to walk the spiritual unknown.” Wow. Let me just say right now that I was a complete “pharisee” in that thought. Something you should know about me: I’m only now beginning to learn that I’m not really as tough as I thought…or daring…or brave…or capable. (That has really been a good lesson for me to learn. Not fun, but good!) God was sure to put me in my place because even by the end of that retreat, my picture was quite a bit changed. I did indeed attempt to step out of the boat even before that retreat began, and here’s what the actual events were of that move (in the Spirit, of course):

I gathered myself together, still in all of my totally unnecessary “Barbie” gear as Jesus called me out to the water to be with Him. I first met His gaze and thought, I can do this, no problem! Then I peaked over the edge of the boat to the surface of the water, which is in reality about 3 or 4 feet from the top of the boat. So, phone in hand, I carefully climbed over the edge to attempt to lower myself to the water, which I naively thought will be hard under my stilettos, only to find that the boat has not been sanded to a painters finish and I received the biggest splinter in my hand I’d ever seen and as I turned my hand to look at the damage, I flung my phone out into the water! Of course, I rushed to meet it before it hit the water, forgetting that, oh yes, I was in midair above the water with nothing to keep me from splashing into it. In my panic (because I have an unrealistic fear of water being in my nose, or anywhere near my head for that matter) I forgot what I dove after and flailed wildly into the water. (In my afore-mentioned naive version, I may have thought that Jesus would have come to my rescue and kept me from going under, but now I know that He allows things like this to happen to make us realize how truly unimportant some things are.) So, I came up gasping for air, snorting and crying. I was crying more because I realized I’d lost one of my beloved shoes than for the horror of the water in my nose. At that point I just knew that everyone up in the boat, safe and dry, were laughing at me and would never, ever let me live this moment down. After a few moments of anger and disappointment and after sufficiently berating myself for all my mistakes since the boat, I remembered why I went over the edge in the first place and searched above for the eyes of my first love. “There He is!” And in the blink of an eye, I was filled again with confidence, of a different kind, and knew that it would be ok.

I can’t say that I got much further than that right after the retreat. But, I realized that being a Water Walker is not about being perfect. It’s not about staying dry. It’s about following Jesus. It’s about running after Him and answering His call. It’s about being His. I realized, also, that those still in the boat were not laughing at me. And I realized that there is nothing bad about the people still in the boat. I realized that my God is ever patient with my unnecessary burdens that I choose to carry with me on my journey toward Him, although He won’t always interfere when they are in danger of destruction.

I decided, however, after my soggy experience with water walking that I wanted to continue in that journey across the water. Even if I end up falling over myself and nearly drowning the whole way, I want to answer His call. I want to be where He is. And that is what this blog is about: my adventures. my flops. my revelations, my confessions as a water walker.