Wellspring of Life

By Staci Pace

There’s a belief that I have that when Jesus said, “I go to prepare a place for you,” (John 14) He wasn’t talking about the sweet by and by. I believe that He meant when His work defeating the grave was completed, we would immediately have access to the presence of God. And truly, I feel that when we worship, we have the opportunity to get into that place where everything else fades away: our problems with our spouse, our concerns for our children, our worry about what people think of us, even physical pain…Everything fades away. I also believe that we can reach this place wherever we are by a simple act of worship: centering our mind, will and emotions on Christ and allowing that redeemed spirit inside of us to take over. It has happened for me many times: in church with many saints, in my car with noisy children, lying in my bed before going to sleep.

But, truly, honestly, that’s not enough for me. Although it is bliss, and I can access that any time, I still want more! I realize that, as a believer, I have Christ with me at all times. Yet, I long to experience Him on a deeper level ALL the time. I want to feel Him close to me. Unfortunately, for now I have this ever-present, constant struggle with this part of me called my flesh.

My flesh is un-redeemed and consistently screaming for my attention, whether it is for the necessities of life or for those less important, but equally strong, temptations. My soul is not always on board with this desire of mine, either. My feelings constantly betray what I know to be true and, not unlike Paul, I can’t go very long without making a decision that is contrary to what I know is the way of Christ. One day, I will leave this flesh behind to spend eternity in the presence of my glorious King, completely unveiled, fully alive to the Spirit, but until that day…

Is Christ disappointed that I can’t remain in a constant state of awareness of His presence in my life? Is He disappointed that I do not always recognize the glory cloud of the Holy Spirit that is with me always? I would imagine that He is disappointed, much like any man would be with an aloof and distracted wife. (We are His bride after all.) However, I believe Jesus’ love is great enough. I believe that regardless of how seldom we actually take notice of His presence, He is pleased beyond measure when we do. And I believe that He enjoys it when we cry out to Him, “I want to be closer! I can’t get enough! I want more! I’m not satisfied!”

Now, it could be argued that we shouldn’t be dissatisfied or hungry for more because Jesus also said, “Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.” (John 4) So does this mean that we will never feel a craving for the presence? If, as believers, Christ dwells in us as promised, shouldn’t we always be satisfied and full, overflowing even? Jesus continued, “The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” So, surely we all have a constant flow of spiritually satisfying, live-giving water gushing out of us that everyone around us experiences any time we are around!

But, wait a moment. What about that grocery store clerk that I was incredibly short with for taking his sweet precious time bagging my fresh produce on top of my fresh loaf of sliced bread? What about the woman I completely cut off on the way to school this morning because I didn’t plan ahead for my lane change? What about my daughter who I yelled at yesterday for getting banana all over my bedspread? I really don’t think these people were experiencing the overflow of my wellspring of life. And I’m positive that I was not either.

Why not? I think the culprit is that pesky little part of me I mentioned earlier: my flesh. It gets in the way! As much as I wish that I could take each step of every day in the full knowledge and awareness of the Spirit of God inside me, I can’t. Despite my every effort, I fail. Something happens in the day to draw my attention away, and often it’s not even external. And so a thirst rises up within me to once again experience that living water. I have a longing to have my eyes opened to what is actually present, even when I don’t feel it. Maybe you have the same experience.

Thankfully, all we have to do is surrender our own desires, thoughts and ways, and we can once again get a taste of that sweet and fulfilling water. And, when we are completely surrendered to Christ, so can those around us. And even if it’s for a moment, that moment, I promise, will be well worth it. And then tomorrow, you’ll be hungry for it again!

 

This article was originally posted at RockSongChurch.org.